Here's what ticks me off: I dont even want to violate my celibacy. I only want to be held and hugged. I wanna just lay in someone's arms until I fall asleep. However, for some odd reason, it never seems to be what men are looking for. Im not allowed comfort if Im not exchanging the sex.
I get the fact that men are men. Always have been, always will be. Its not a bad thing, it just is what it is. Men are sexual creatures and I dont begrudge them that. But, as a woman, trying to live holy, life is truly like a box of crazy chocolates. You really never know what youre going to get. So, in my effort to stay chaste, I avoid intimacy at all costs. Even a certain level of conversational intimacy is reserved for, well, the intimate. Im not a woman who misunderstands my sensuality or sexuality, therefore, my celibacy is a situation where tempation is not allowed. I stay out of tempting situations. I steer clear of things that may be misconstrued as such. I dont try to tempt anyone and I try not to let anyone tempt me.... too much, anyway.
My frustration isnt with the actual intercourse part of things. My frustration is based in lack of being close enough to someone that the line drawn in the sand for my celibacy isnt in jeopardy of being violated. Better still, he's strong enough to respect the line, loves me enough to respect the line, cherishes me enough to enjoy just being with me, and treats time with me alone as sacred...
Sometimes this lane is a tear-inducing, frustration-enhancing mess but it's mine. As my best friend says, I got the best good strong back for this sh#t...
No comments:
Post a Comment