I try hard...

I try really hard. I try hard to keep my distance. I keep trying to keep my heart out of equations but I think Ive finally learned that its not going to happen. More than one situation lately has shown me that I dont have a choice.
My ex-boyfriend used to call me "Bathwater" or "Bath" because whoever was in my presence was washed in my warmth and my heart. He said that there was no place that I didnt touch him or that he didnt feel me when I was in love with him. When I wasnt, he told me it felt exactly like the time directly when you come out of the bath, freezing and uncomfortable. He felt blocked from the heat when I was angry with him... but eventually, he got back to a place where he and I were "warm" again. He explained that people feel it physicallly when I withdraw and go to place to heal my heart after its been broken because even my broken heart is warmer than that freezing out.
For a long time, the analogy escaped me on all but the outside level. I guess I never really thought about it too long. I was brokenhearted at the time and I couldnt think of much else. I get what he means now.
I try not to envelope people too much because what Ive learned is that everyone doesnt deserve the priviledge of knowing you. I have to remember that actively because usually, Im happy to invite people in and some can be damaging and selfish.
I can be "Bath". I can be the warmth, acceptance, and love that is unjudging and selfless. However, Im going to change my decision making paradigm on who gets to see that warmth and love. Its a little too precious to leave in incapable hands...